Looks and Identity & Racist Nuances (a second question: what?)

Why do you say that?
We've talked a number of times about what role looks play in what people consider us. We are visual beings. Several comments regarding my looks and identity recently have seemed more frequent than normal. I'm sure it is just coincidental, but it also makes me think why now?

Today while at parking services I was asked if I was Italian or something else I can't remember. I was like, "No." Then the women behind the desk proceeded to ask me what I was. I said, "a quarter Filipino and a large mix of white like English, Dutch, Welsh, and German." I was also asked if I spoke Pilipino, which I thought was a strange question considering I am only 1/4 Filipino. Now let me ask you this, how do you picture the woman behind the desk? Does the story lend itself to you making assumptions of how the woman looked? Does how you picture her affect your thoughts and feelings on this? Part of me wants to tell you what she looked like, but at the same time I don't want to put labels on her, as I would also be making assumptions based on how she looked. And wouldn't that be just adding to the huge value we place on visual perception, while forgetting that there is so much more than that?

I have also recently been told after I reveal that I am 1/4 Filipino, "I can see that." Can you really or are you just saying that? My mom has even told me that I look European, whatever that means. More seriously, what does that mean, especially in regards to my identity? Also, what does it mean when people falsely identify me or anyone else? I continue to struggle with the tension caused by my huge desire to explore a culture that only makes up 1/4 of my heritage juxtaposed to the fact that I look Caucasian. I know this is rightly so, as almost 3/4 of my heritage consists of some sort of European heritage. Do I accept this? Part of me is like, "well I have to because that is how it is." Another part doesn't quite accept that. There has to be a way for me to view myself and my identity that includes my Filipino heritage as being a huge part of me while also acknowledging that I do not look that way.


What battles will we choose?
Another topic I have been thinking a lot about recently is the still ever present nuances of racism or I like to call it ignorance. I was hanging out with a friend and some of his family and friends and mention of a chink in armor came up. Of course that then led to a brief comment on Chinese. Unfortunately I don't remember the exact words that were said or even what lead to the armor comment. I think even the mention of it was offensive. I'm not sure if it was offensive given that no one else in the group, as far as I know, were of Asian decent or if it was the emotional ties I have to the word because of my dad's experiences growing up. But how do you stop the usage of that. I think it has been said before our discussion of Talk-Story. How do you say something without "ruining the mood." How many of us, like I did, just let things like that go? How will it stop if no one ever says anything? I don't think we should all be like Dee and stand up for every little thing. Pick your battles. But are we choosing too few battles?

Is there ever an okay time to use words such as Chink and the "n word?" Is there ever an okay time to joke about race, looks, and identity? Who even has the right to use and joke about these things? I will shamefully admit that I have joked with one of my apartment-mates about her eyes. As soon as I said it I wished I could take it back. Was I too harsh on myself since I was only joking? Often we feel we have the right to joke about race and looks with friends because there is a mutual understanding that we aren't trying to be offensive and that we don't often hold these stereotypes to them. But think of all those who may not be meaning to but are offensive. Is it right for them to do this? Was it right for the friends of Asians and Asian-Americans that have been discussed so far in Takaki to perpetuate the racism, stereotypes and ignorance, even though they didn't think they were being offensive? For example, take the writings of Harte. He was trying to show he was against anti-Chinese racism, and yet, he still focused only on the stereotypes given to the Chinese.

Time and time again we see rappers and comedians using terms such as the "n word" but if the wrong person uses it, it is totally offensive. Where do we draw a line between times when it is ok to use terms and make fun using stereotypes and times when it becomes offensive; between who can jokingly use these terms and who can't; between having fun with friends and perpetuating racist nuances?