Talk-Story

What is lost?
There was a line in the play Talk-Story by Jeannie Barroga that really stood out to me. The line was "If you shed enough layers, you won't get them back. Be careful what you let go; be careful what you keep." It was spoken by Frank in the play as a taped story. He had changed from who he was in the Philippines to a man who only knew of the city life in America. I think this is definitely a theme that many second and third generations can identify with. Choices made by their parents and grandparents and sometimes even by themselves have led to the shedding of many layers and leave them struggling to get a few of those layers back or trying to make sense of what layers remain. I can't generalize for all of course, but I at least know I am a part of this struggle.

For example, my grandmother made a choice not to let my dad and his sisters talk Tagalog at home but only English when they first came to the states. Language seems to be such an important part of identity but that is a topic of discussion I'll leave for later. My point is that I don't have that particular connection to my heritage because of a decision my grandmother made. My dad doesn't remember any Tagalog and I don't know any expect Muhbuhay, which I learned here at William and Mary. I certainly don't blame my grandmother for making the decision she did, because even for my family, it was about survival. My dad came over from the Philippines in 1955, almost a decade before the historical Civil Rights Act of 1964.

I am still sad that for reasons I can't control, layers of my heritage have been lost. Especially through this class and through my involvement in FASA and the Asian community here at William and Mary, I am trying to get back in touch with layers that have been lost. It is a far greater struggle to try to get the layers back. I don't totally agree that once shed, you can never get them back, but the layers added back will never be the same as the layers would have been had they never been lost. However, they don't necessarily have to be completely new layers either. Don't we constantly shape our layers anyway? For me, I am just trying to identify the layers I currently have that are a part of my Filipino heritage, as well as trying to add layers of that heritage I can make my own.

Ultimately it is a struggle of taking ownership. I think that is a huge part of determining identity, what do you take ownership in? How can I take ownership in something I don't know about? What does it mean to be 1/4 Filipina? Do I have, embrace, and own many of the values of Filipino culture or Filipino-American culture? I am still struggling to find out more so I can decide if I want to take ownership of it, if I feel I can take ownership in it, and what it is that I am taking ownership of.