Racist against my own race

I really don't know how to begin this. I am also completely scared of being offensive, not being clear in what I have to say, and being misinterpreted. I have decided to go on anyway.

In light of all the discussions we've had in class and being such an active member in the multicultural/minority community, I sometimes thank that I am slightly racist against white people, if that is possible. The white man is in power. Can power be racist against power? I think it was Eddy that said he had something against the white man. To be honest, I've caught myself holding something against white people myself. I can't believe I just said "them." Anyway, sometimes I'll see people and have negative and judgmental thoughts about them like "They don't care about race or diversity," "They aren't a good person because I bet they aren't aware of racial problems in today's society," "I can't really be friends with them because they wouldn't understand the multicultural aspect of me." I try not to let these types of thoughts persist and I especially try to prevent them from affecting my actions and speech and how I accept individuals.



I am currently in the Women's Leadership Program. Unfortunately, there is very limited representation of the multicultural community in the program. I find this a problem. Perhaps because of the demographic percentages of the greater student body, similar percentages are playing out in the Women's Leadership Program. Frankly, it upsets me a little and for the most part, I don't think I have a whole lot in common with most of these women. I want to attribute this to their whiteness, perhaps it is only personality and the types of organizations they are involved in. I do generalize about sororities and fraternities. I had lunch with one girl who I am almost positive is in a sorority (I would really hate it if she really wasn't after I said this) was actually excited about a party based off of a You Tube video called "Tea Partay."




I just really don't think the stereotypical New England WASP is much to aspire to or even base a party off of it. OK, so most of them probably don't don't "aspire" to be that and it was made as a parody. However, I just don't like it. I feel like this may be kind of contradictory to the post I just posted, but as was the case in that one, I have been working on this one and even others over a rather long period of time because I couldn't focus my thoughts enough for a post. I am being somewhat contradictory, but I am still sorting out how I reconcile all the parts of my identity. Yeah sometimes I want to totally disown the white middle class self because it is so much more closer to the "oppressor," but I can't. I have to recognize that I am white. I do have white friends I am very close with. That is OK. I haven't totally reconciled these two parts, but I'm working on it.