A continuation of exploration and revelation

Why did I not find this out sooner?
After I had written my last entry I actually talked to my dad and was surprised that there was more to find out from him. I guess I hadn't previously asked the right questions before. It started off with me asking if he had heard of Angel Island. Like many others, my dad had not heard of Angel Island. I figured maybe he had since he entered the country through California, but I forgot the fact that he was not considered an immigrant.

I guess I should take the time to disclose my background as Todd did. At first I just assumed if anyone was confused they would ask, but now I see the value in revealing it first, as one may not even think to ask further but once revealed it does help to put things into perspective. Anyway, my dad was born in the Philippines to an American soldier and a Filipina, so that makes me only 1/4 Filipina. He moved to the US when he was 10 years old with his parents and sisters. My heritage from my mother's side includes having Cherokee ancestors who experienced the Trail of Tears and a mixture of English, German, Irish and maybe a little Dutch. I was raised in a white middle class environment. My parents also pay for my tuition, food, and even gas (though I generally pay for the road trips I take occasionally). So yeah, that's a quick look at my background. I really am open to answering more questions if anyone has them.

Back to the conversation I had with my dad, another question I had asked him was a question of identity. Does he consider himself white? Filipino? Half? He answered that he considers himself white. I was a little surprised, even though I probably shouldn't have been. I mean like I said before, I was raised in a white middle class environment. My dad said that he thinks it is because he has such a bad connotation with his Filipino side. He was definitely made fun of and called names when he moved to the States. He and his siblings were mistaken for being Chinese and called derogatory names which I won't repeat here. I just think back and am sad to know that he went through that. No one should. Unfortunately it happened and still happens, whether through ignorance or pure racism. I also am sad that because of the connotations my dad has with being Filipino, I may have missed out on knowing more about it.

Identity is a huge question for everyone. I have heard many people struggling with this issue for themselves, and I am definitely no exception. Many of us will probably always struggle with identity or at least constantly be shaping it in some form or fashion. My dad's answer to the identity question I posed to him almost makes it harder for me to know what to consider myself. I am basically 3/4 white, and yet I cannot accept that I am just white. I also want to claim that one quarter that I've been exploring so much recently. I do know that I look white (although there are those few times that I'll forget). How much of that plays into my identity? I really have no answer to that yet, or even to what I consider myself in general, but I am always looking for one.

Also in my conversation with my dad I found out for the first time that my grandmother's maiden name was Villegas, indicating that I also am of Hispanic decent. My dad even thought that her uncle may have been the first treasurer of the Philippines. I have not yet been able to find evidence of this, but it would be interesting if I could verify this or not. I'm not entirely sure why it is so interesting when you can link your personal and family history to a historical event, person, place, or time that is recognized by many others. I speculate that it serves as additional verification of your own personal history in the same sense that Takaki includes so many dates and numbers to validate his writing of Asian American history. This is also probably why in my background I wrote that my Cherokee ancestors experienced the Trail of Tears. But anyway, perhaps I have a starting point for my solo project, to investigate any family relation to the first treasurer of the Philippines.